I Blame Yoga

It was something unexpected, not what I wanted or planned for.

I had just finished a relatively vigorous yoga class. It was 90 minutes of full body, sweat inducing, flow. I was worked but not exhausted, I was actually feeling quite good about myself. I got dressed stepped out into the hallway and that’s when it hit me. 

Tears.

Tears started rolling down my cheeks and I went into a full sob. I wasn’t sad or depressed, in fact there was a part of me that slightly joyous and euphoric. I had never experienced this before in my life, but I understood immediately what was happening. I was letting go, I was processing. It was something that my logical mind could not comprehend or make sense of because it bypassed any rational thought. This was the body processing emotion. 

This is a concept that I had heard of, the idea of a mind-body connection where one is not separate from the other, but rather is a system that works and experiences life together. So even if it is a physical trauma it can have an affect on our emotions and thoughts or if it’s an emotional/mental trauma it can have an affect on our bodies. 

What I was experiencing was the latter kind, but in this case I was resolving whatever past incident I had stored and kept held in my body memory. I now try to pay attention to what is happening in my life in both realms when something is off. I have noticed that when I am physically not well and in pain that it has a huge impact on my confidence and I have to be careful of going into a dark space. I also notice that when I am stressed, overworked or not taking care of myself that physical pain starts to radiate across my shoulders. 

So I blame yoga for making me cry but I appreciate the transformations it has provided and the tools to let me move forward. Yoga has allowed me to also just be with some of these darker, less pleasant physical and emotional feelings without having to judge them. I strive to maintain balance but riding in the flow of life means that there are going to be ups and downs. So I breathe, I move, I reflect and I practice.